a different kind of child support

so lately i've been VERY stressed out. like seriously i think i am loosing hair and sleep, and getting mid afternoon headaches from all of the stress. i am loving school. school has been nothing but awesome. i am understanding what i never thought i would and getting much better grades that ever thought i could. i love being a mom. i like that maddi needs me to be there and needs my goodnight song and kisses and hugs and nose rubs. i love playing and squishing and molding playdough with her. i don't love, however, the stress i feel over money. diapers, wipes, kid's fever reducer, day care, gas getting to and from day care, dr. visits, FOOD, it all adds up. and trust me, i cut corners. if there is a way to save i do! i buy the cheapest diapers and wipes, i buy in bulk to save a buck, i completely cut out meat ( i buy canned tuna fish and chicken thighs...the are the cheapest cuts of meat...and maddi needs protein) and treats and extras in my groceries, i buy the crappy (no pun intended) toliet paper and i don't use paper towels anymore, i don't have cable, i don't drive ANYWHERE but to school-maddi's day care-work-and home, and i don't eat out anymore...or watch movies...or do much of anything. the saddest part about this whole situation is that maddi has another parent. i shouldn't be doing all of this on my own (with my measely two day a week pay check), but i am. i have no choice. and, heaven forbid, if i need to study for an hour for one of my classes i either pay for an hour of day care, or i beg and plead and try to barter with someone (the very un-reliable someones) in my family to watch maddi. i feel like they don't want to help...like they aren't proud of me for trying as hard as i am...single mom, working, going to school, and trying to find an hour here and there to study without having a little tiny voice scream "mommy" four thousand times and saving my small child from sure death with every passing second. i guess sleeping everyday until 2 or 3 in the afternoon takes priority over helping a family member (with the exception of daniel...he at least has a job and contributes to society.) i guess what i am asking for is a little help. i need it. i can't rely on maddi's dad for ANYTHING. he was supposed to have her last friday for 4 hours while i was in class, but of course, something came up and he couldn't. just like something always comes up when financial support and his children come into play. i wouldn't be so upset about the financial support (which is effing pathetic if you ask me...come freaking on...it's your child too douche canoe) if he offered to help with ANYTHING else. with watching her while i am in class or at work or while i need to study...or asking to see her ever. he doesn't ask to see her. how sad is that? actually, none of her family (even mine i'll admit) really asks to see her...if i bring her by once a month, or once year, they wouldn't notice the difference. the people i can rely on live hours away or they are at work all day...but when i need them they are always there, so i am thankful for them...and they know who they are. i am thankful for those people, they make my life a lot easier when they can. i know i shouldn't complain...but it's all adding up lately, and getting VERY old.

five finger death punch

yesterday as we were getting ready to leave bart's parent's house maddi took her pants and diaper off and tried to poty (just pee thank goodness) in the DOLL HOUSE TOILET!!!! it's like three inches tall and two inches wide. probably one of the funniest things i've ever seen in my life. she used to just try to sit on the doll house chairs and couches, and i thought that was funny...but this was MUCH funnier. and on the way home yesterday from bart's parent's house i heard a song by this semi-okay band with the COOLEST name ever. they were the FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH....which got me thinking...if i ever had a band i would call it the ALL INCUMBENT DIETY OF AWESOMENESS. and maddi threw up twice on the drive home last night, and again once we got home...needless to say, it was a pretty sleepless night. stay classy readers, kelly "kapowski"

spring semester

spring semester has started. i am taking anatomy and physiology. those are going well. we met our cadaver in class the other day, and i enjoy him as well. he was a 72 year old cook from new york...very healthy with almost no fat on this body. dr. c. has almost all the way disected him. i am excited, and a little bit aprehensive, to get to study with a real cadaver. maddi will start day care again this wednesday. she will go to miss michele's wednesdays and thursdays. my sister will watch her on monday and tuesday mornings. and maddi's dad will watch her on friday mornings. school is going very well. i really like my proffessor (he is freaking hil-harry-arse) and i like his style of teaching...so it's all good in the hood. i have all of my references for nursing taken care of...thank you to dr. k, dr. h, dr. h jr., and dr. m. i appreciate you guys and all that you've given to me and helped me with! bart has been playing city league basket ball on monday nights at the high school. maddi and i go to watch him play...maddi enjoys seeing her friends amaih and tager. maddi also enjoys seeing her dad at city league basket ball when he plays. this weekend we came up to see bart's family...and bring some furniture. we went to the high school basketball games last night and all maddi wanted was to take candy from a little boy that sat behind us. she also really likes to sing itsy bitsy spider lately. she loves the hand motions that go with the song. tonight we are going to the slcc and snow girls basket ball game...go sami! stay classy readers, kelly "kapowski"